Andrew Pain

Andrew Pain – tackling the issue of female perpetrated abuse

Andrew is a TEDx speaker, high performance coach, social campaigner and third sector advocate. His TEDx talk, Domestic Abuse – not a gender issue is a must watch and one of the only TEDx talks to tackle the subject of female perpetrated violence. His story will surprise and shock you, as it tackles the stigma surrounding men and the challenge of speaking up.

Andrew is a regular speaker as an expert by experience, talking about gaslighting, domestic abuse, parental alienation, safeguarding, gender bias and the family courts, and in his spare time, Andrew supports male victims of domestic abuse through a pilot project he is co-leading.

If you feel you’re experiencing abuse at home and would like to talk with someone who understands, he can be reached, confidentially by email: [email protected]

Andrew is also a high-performance coach working with organisations like the NHS, The Association of Project Managers, The Chartered Institute of Management Accountants, The Institution of Leadership & Management, as well as schools and colleges.

How do you know if you’re experiencing domestic abuse?

The majority of domestic abuse cases you hear about would seem to be men abusing women but as Andrew’s story clearly highlights, men can also experience such abuse.

Some of the behaviours which would suggest you’re experiencing domestic abuse could be:

  • Is your partner jealous and possessive?
  • Is your partner charming/loving one minute and abusive the next?
  • Does he/she tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
  • Does he/she constantly put you down?
  • Does he/she play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
  • Does he/she control your money?
  • Does he/she pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
  • Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him or her angry?
  • Does he/she monitor or track your movements or messages?
  • Does he use anger, intimidation and even violence to frighten and control you?

No matter what your abuser may suggest, there is help available, you do not have to continue to suffer. Here are some helplines you might want to consider approaching:

Firstly, if you believe you are in danger, you should call your local emergency services i.e. 999/911 etc

Refuge – for women and children against domestic violence. UK National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247  – Visit the website here

Respect – men’s advice helpline. Freephone 0808 8010327 – Visit their website here.  There is also the ManKind Initiative which helps men escape domestic abuse, visit their website here.

Childline – children may also directly experience domestic abuse, as well as witnessing it happening to an adult in their home. Either way this can be traumatic, so, help and advice can be found via the Childline website or by phoning freephone 0800 1111.

Gov.UK website has advice on a range of issues relating to domestic abuse and how to get help during the Coronavirus (Covid-19) outbreak. Check out the website here.